All Creatures Great And Small

My little monster was buried this week. After much personal debate on what to do, I finally opted for a pet memorial gardens. It is a beautiful and peaceful place. It is north of the river, about 8 miles from me. Near Parkville.

I did not at all want to say goodbye. Wishing for just one more year, a few months, a month, a week ... filled my thoughts. My Eponine never would have chosen to leave me, and I never would have sent her away. Those facts made it a little harder to accept that sometimes it's just time to go.

Even though I was a teary-eyed, borderline hyperventilating, boogery mess, all the folks working there were compassionate, patient, understanding and kind. They let me carry her from the building out to the gardens. I even lowered her into the earth. I cried and cried. It was a cold day, but sunny and beautiful as I had a short memorial service.

There was a reading, a prayer, and I brought a CD player to play a song I often would sing to her. I placed her in her favorite little, red velvet cat bed. It was a gift a few years back and was covered in her hair. It stayed in the back of the closet under some hanging clothes. She loved to nap there, especially on cold days. It had "Good Cat" stitched in the center of it. The staff offered me the opportunity to move the first shovel of earth. It helped me to further accept that my monster was gone.

I feel I made the right decision for my Eponine and me. I had been feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted, but now am starting to feel a calmness. I am constantly being reminded that I have been and am very blessed.

My heart is soothing, but I still miss her so very much. It's a challenge to create new routines after her companionship of the last 15-plus years. My home feels very alone, but the joy she brought is everywhere and surrounds me.