Wild Life Of A Little Monster

Others are scared of me because of all the fun I have. Considered a vigilante by my Eponine.

There's A Season

At church on Christmas morning I felt comfort. I said a prayer of thanksgiving for my little monster, her life that was shared with me, and for the companionship provided. I also prayed for peace and a soothing heart. I continue to miss her much. I also thanked God for my family, friends and all the pets and humans who have visited Epster's blog the last several days.

The last few weeks have been rough. When Ep first started acting peculiar, I never thought it would lead to losing her. It all seems to have happened so quickly.

Now, tough moments are cleaning the floor where the food bowl was, taking those bowls from the dishwasher, scrubbing the rug from an accident or two while she was sick, sleeping alone. This morning was garbage day and I just wasn't ready to throw away the empty litter box. Isn't that crazy? It's peach, a popular color for boxes in 1990.

Everything is marked by being "the first." It gives me anxiety. The first night alone, the first time to leave on a trip without making sure food and water bowls are full, the first time to leave my home empty, the first to come home without being greeted, the first day to leave for work without treat time. It goes on and on. I look forward to the first night that I don't lie in bed and cry. Just one day at a time as new routines are established and the sorrow subsides.


At December 28, 2005 6:33 PM, Blogger Derby said...


Think twice or maybe lots more times before you give away all of your kitty stuff. Just maybe a new little furry friend will enter your life again.

At December 28, 2005 6:37 PM, Blogger craziequeen said...

One day at a time, Cowboy :-) Nothing this important can be rushed.

I'm with Derby, perhaps it would be better to store it in the loft or garage? You never know when you might need to put a roof over a fluffy's head :-)

We're all with you, honey - and we've all been there. Grief can only be dealt with one day at a time.



At December 28, 2005 7:20 PM, Blogger Edsel/The Pooch said...

oh Cowboy, we feel so sad for you. my Mom has told me lots of stories 'bout how hard it is to lose a beloved furry. Eppy is smiling down from kitty heaven, knowing that you're remembering all the fun you had together and honoring her memory with your thoughts and your tears. and we agree with Derby - don't throw Eppy's stuff out! we have a friend who swears he will never get another dog after losing his, because it's just too hard. we like to quote "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." you can't have good without bad. yin and yang. 15 years of good times now gets balanced a little with some sadness. and soon the sad will be replaced with a happysad, and then the sad will go away and just leave the happy memories. we also believe firmly in the healing power of a purr and a head butt. there are so many kitties needing homes, kitties that might die if no one 'dopts them. please don't rule out sharing your home again. it's so much better to have a little furry running to the door to greet you when you arrive. it wouldn't ever be to replace your lovely Eppy. but to honor all the love you shared.

At December 29, 2005 7:32 AM, Anonymous Norton, Trixie, Sammy and Miles - and their Mom said...

Oh Cowboy, we can all empathize with you. I lost my beloved Ralphie 3 years ago, and it is still hard. Norton and Trixie were his big brother and big sister, and I can tell they still miss him terribly, despite the 2 new little ones, Sammy and Miles. You never know when you will meet the next kitty that needs you to care for her. We agree with Derby, don't throw out Eppy's things.

At December 29, 2005 8:17 AM, Anonymous Tyler said...

Dude, I know this new way of going about the day is tough. Mom was the same way when Puggy left this world, sad because it was "the first" night sleeping without Puggy in that old bed, the first Christmas without her (as you also experienced the first Christmas without Eppy) in over a decade.

But there are other firsts too. After Puggy was buried, the first time Mom laughed was about something silly I did. And we also celebrated Zoe's first Christmas.

Only you will know whether another furball is right for you, and if/when your heart is ready to take one in again. Sometimes it helps to hold onto things, and other times it helps to toss them out. Just know we're keeping you in our thoughts, man.

At December 29, 2005 5:13 PM, Blogger Eponine's Cowboy said...

Thanks for the advice, Derby, and others. Each day that passes I find myself feeling a little warmer to the idea of a new companion. I just want to be picked, not pick.

cq - your support is phenomenal. Thank you!!!!

Edsel - you are sooo very right. Yesterday was the first day that my sadness felt like just "missing." Before it was overwhelming. Now, I am feeling mostly that I am just missing my little monster. Does that make sense?

N,T,S,M and Mom - I've read that other pets truly do miss their siblings. You are kind to share about Ralphie.

Tyler - you made me laugh just by calling me dude! Thank you!!

At December 31, 2005 1:33 AM, Blogger Taz n Angel said...

WE BOTH picked our Mama and Daddy, so I KNOW another sweet furball will pick you too Cowboy. You have so much luv to give and I know there will be somekitty who'll luv you right back when you are ready! Let us know when one of our furry friends picked you and followed you home k? We luv to hear how you are doing.

Luv Taz n Angel (and their Mama too!)

At December 31, 2005 4:47 AM, Blogger Miz said...

Another vote for putting the kitty stuff on the shelf for a while.

Stray Cat
by Francis Witham

Oh, what unhappy twist of fate Has brought you homeless to my gate? The gate where once another stood To beg for shelter, warmth and food For from that day I ceased to be The master of my destiny.

While he, with purr and velvet paw Became within my house the law. He scratched the furniture and shed And claimed the middle of my bed.

He ruled in arrogance and pride And broke my heart the day he died. So if you really think, oh Cat, I'd willingly relive all that Because you come forlorn and thin...

Well....don't just stand there... Come on in!

At December 31, 2005 6:29 PM, Blogger Eponine's Cowboy said...

That's a wonderful poem, Miz. Thank you so much for sharing.

I'll keep you posted, Taz n Angel!

Hope you have a very happy 2006.

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