Pounds Of Poop

Poop is often a key part of a cat's life. Usually a daily experience, with a specific place to make it happen. I suppose many cats take care of business outside under any bush. Or maybe in a child's sand box, a flower bed or garden, or someone's yard -- like dogs. But many lucky cats get to take aim in a box. I always chuckle when Edsel The Pooch calls his sister poopy.

Humans with small, new humans often like to talk about poop too. Describing it and providing details. It's always a great pre or post-dinner conversation. Not something I enjoy during dinner, but I have never had any small, new humans. Who am I to judge?

Older humans, sometimes living together in a place that includes helpful humans wearing scrub-suit type stuff, talk about poop. Like a proclamation of completing the task after days of not being able to produce.

One insomnia-ridden night I turned on the tube and around 4 a.m. there was this show with some dude talking about poop. He provided details about intestines and how human bodies work. Although his tan, hairdo, and skinny, wierd mustache had me thinking he was an odd duck, his dialogue was that of an expert. He even had facts, stating that John Wayne's autopsy revealed that he died with pounds and pounds of poop. Elvis did too!

Within minutes of watching I was convinced. My long-sought-after diagnosis finally was in sight. I was full of poop. Getting rid of it would solve all my problems. Of course, this dude on tv was touting some kind of miracle liquid that would cleanse your system quicker than any tall glass of milk or huge bowl of ice cream.

Just as I grabbed the credit card and headed to the phone to dial that toll-free number, my cynicism arrived. Of course I headed straight to the Internet for the facts.

A google search led straignt to this revelation on snopes.com that the John Wayne and Elvis claims are false. Nothing but lies. Urban legends.

"Well, darn," I thought. Then off went the tv and I went back to lying in bed, wondering why I couldn't sleep and what possibly could be wrong with me. Certain that a search to the diagnosis would continue.